"Second Chance"

Wow... So the past couple of weeks have been Insane! So much has happened, I've made Mistakes, Bad Choices, Fights, and Worked to fix them. Although I know there's a few people who will hurt a lot, for a long time. Although I've been waiting and trying to do what I can to repair the hurt, I know there's prolly nothing I could ever do to make up for some of my mistakes. I think I've finally started to get past the guilt. However, I'm still far from fine. I've been doing a Lot of Thinking, and trying to decide how I can change to keep from doing these things again. The ultimate solution I've come to, is absolutely not to go too far, and don't just fall into a relationship. Give each and every prospect some time, and gather a few before jumping to the next one. Some may say this is a Poor policy that makes me into a skank. But I honestly think it will help. A Lot.

In other news, tensions at home are continuing to rise, Fast. I Really don't know What I'm Gonna do. I'll be Totally honest, I'm not free of guilt. However, my parents choices in dealing with problems (or what They view as Problematic) is exceedingly Unhelpful. Honestly I know the only ways I'll ever be able to truly get through this is to simply Leave, and become fully independent. However, I have NO Clue How I'm gonna do that. Very recently I've had major restriction placed on my monetary support from them, which would be fair if it didn't inhibit by capability to apply, obtain, and keep a Job until such time as I can support my needs through said job.
This vicious cycle just keeps coming Over and Over again. And I don't think I can handle it anymore. Paired with my own personal problems, I'm Really Scared I'm not gonna get a job, certainly not a very good one.


Ultimately I Know that almost all of this crapp is because of my own actions and choices, and that honestly is the hardest part to deal with. Realizing that so far my whole life is just Self-Defeating. All I can do right now is Hope that I can break out of this cycle and actually move forward. However, unfortunately I can't see a way to do that without a Major Shake up of some kind. =( which is Very difficult for me to deal with let alone initiate.

Well, that's the news. Here's hoping it all turns out well. I'm still Very concerned for the people involved in all this drama. More than anything I just hope everything turns out well for them. So far, Life Continues. Stay Strong everybody!

PUMA