Well, this is a post specifically for the purpose of opening up, hopefully answering some questions, & giving an update on what's been going on in my life.
So, I guess the point you kind have to start at when first doing this is way back at the beginning -
So, growing up in a catholic family, homosexuality was never accepted or even Ever talked about. Mostly my parents lived by a book of "if you teach it to them, they'll do it. If you ignore it, it'll never happen." So because of this I really had no understanding of what homosexuality was when I was a kid. However, looking back I was always attracted to other boys, even though I didn't understand it.
As I got older though & began to develop I started to understand & recognize what these feelings meant. Of course I didn't have the tools to handle this realization, & due to the way I was raised I fought it for a Long time. Always going back & forth with myself, thinking it was okay, & then beating myself down, feeling guilty for the way I felt.
Those were some really rough years through high school. I had a lot of personal turmoil, & I honestly did some terrible things trying to suppress my attraction. but then finally, around the end of the summer right before my senior year, I began to finally Begin to accept that perhaps this was simply who I was. so I began to meet other gay guys & chat with them (of course this was all very covert). By the time I was almost a month into school I had made a gay friend from my area & started seeing him.
However, I still was not free of the negative feelings toward my attraction. So after a few encounters with my friend, I felt I needed to figure out what I should do. So after a Lot of thinking I chose one of my older friends who's a very devout catholic & whom I figured would be safe to tell, & one night we had a Long discussion, where I told him I was gay & we talked about a lot of different things, none of which determined anything at the time, but which did send me back into a path of denial & suppression. This path would continue through the end of my senior year. Although, to be honest, the reason was Not because of my own doubts, but more to please my environment (Family, Friends, Religion). I myself still cycled back & forth.
The rest of those months brought tremendous changes, Tons of new experiences, lessons, self discovery & realization. During the summer I finally began to fully Start to accept my sexuality. While I was on break I met & started seeing a guy. I really have to say, I owe a lot to Evan. He was the first one who gave me the affirmation, support & encouragement I needed to accept myself, & even begin to consider coming out.
As the months passed I began to start coming out to a few select of my closer friends. Each time getting a little bit easier, yet still keeping things very closed. By the time I reached the beginning of college I had a small group of supportive friends who I was out to & I felt open to coming out to new friends. so as I began to meet & make new friends I slowly came out to them.
So far, I had played things very close to the chest. I hadn't come out to anyone I thought might let something slip to my family nor anyone from my high school. However, these issues have been constantly on my mind for years: How would I ever come out to my family? Could I come out to my family? How would they React? How would my older friends react? So I have thoroughly considered every aspect of these issues, throughout my life, going about my everyday business. So I decided about a month ago that it was time to take another step. & So, I came out on Facebook to all my old High School friends, my college friends, basically almost everyone except my family. I did it so quickly, it seemed like I didn't even really think about it. Bu the truth was I had been preparing for that moment for a Long time. So when I finally felt like it was time, it was very simple.
I Still haven't reached being able to come out to my family, however that is a step that often waits a long time. & although it's not ideal, I am willing to wait. Because I know that I want the time to be right. However, for the moment I am busy building my little "family of friends" & I Love them So Much! & I can't wait to hopefully expand it =)
So, There it is. All out in the open. This is me getting Real. & I know that there may be other things people want to know. So, I Really really hope people comment,& message me, (& If you can even Text) & ask me All Kinds of Questions! Please don't be afraid to make comments & ask questions. I don't care if We talk everyday, We hardly know each other, We haven't talked in a Long time, whether we're close or not So close. I understand it does take some amount of courage to risk seeming foolish, but I hope many of you will overcome that. =)
Just a reminder (& introduction for those who don't already know it),
My rule is: I will not take offense at, disregard, or ignore any question that is asked with true honesty. I respect & in fact Welcome people's curiosity! There's no other way to Really learn about each other. So I Promise, to respectfully consider each & every question people ask me, & answer as Many as I can, as Best I can.
This IS my rule for Life, so it doesn't just apply here, but Anywhere.
Thanks for reading, & I'll be back again soon!
PUMA
